In order to implement my Innovation Plan I know there will be some crucial conversations that will need to be had. There will be those who do not agree with my ideas. Emotions could run high, making it easy to fall into the trap of conversations that that go nowhere. In the book, Crucial Conversations (Patterson, Et. Al., 2012), there are some very important steps to take to help leaders become differentiated leaders and prepared to handle those crucial conversations that will arise. To be a self-differentiated leader, one must learn to neither be cut off from the group or to react with emotions. They regulate their own anxiety without allowing others to see them act on emotions.
Start with Heart
In order to apply specific skills to crucial conversations, one must start with the heart. If I cannot get myself right, then I will have a hard time getting the dialogue right. There must be a focus on what I really want. For this first step, I should think about what I am acting like I really want, not only for myself, but for others. Knowing what I really want will help me focus on my goal. Regarding my innovation plan, what I really want is for teachers to be on board with the idea of blended learning through station rotations. To start with the heart, I will need to behave as if this is really what I want and avoid what I do not want.
Learn to Look
This is an important step because this is where I will be looking for those conversations that become crucial. Sometimes conversations become crucial before we know it. We get so caught up in the moment that we have trouble pulling ourselves out of the argument. It’s important to pay attention to that moment when a conversation goes from harmless to crucial. A way to notice is a physical sign—your stomach feels weird or some other physical reaction starts to happen. This is a clue to back up and start over again, this time from the heart.
It is essential to recognize when there is silence and violence. Silence meaning someone is masking, avoiding, our withdrawing from the crucial conversations. Violence is where someone is trying to convince or control someone else’s way of thinking.
In this instance, I feel that I have more of a tendency to be silent and avoid the conversation. This is one area I would greatly need to work on.
Make it Safe
Safety means everyone involved has a sense of mutual respect and purpose. To have crucial conversations, it will be up to me to make it safe to talk about almost anything. Crucial conversations often break down when the content suggests that there is a malicious intent. In order to make it safe, there must be a condition of mutual purpose where everyone feels we are working for the same goal.
Explore Others’ Paths
We need to find a way to let others know that it is okay to share their patch to action. We want them to feel free to open up to us. This starts with being sincere. We should invite people to share their views, and mean it when we invite them. We have to listen intently and make them feel safe expressing how they feel. If the feelings they share are negative, it is important to stay curious and look for a reason behind what they are feeling. This takes a lot of patience.
To get others to share their paths we have to use listening tools. Four powerful tools are AMPP—ask, mirror, paraphrase, and prime. We must ask what a person if thinking or feeling, then mirror to help them talk about the story by asking the right questions. We mirror, or restate what we think they are trying to say. We calmly paraphrase the problems so we are careful not to come angry or defensive.
There are times when the other person is still in the “violence “ stage of feeling highly emotional and will not open up. This is when we must “prime the pump” and guess at what the problem is.
Move to Action
It is important to remember that dialogue is not considered decision making. Dialogue gets all of the important things into a shared pool. There are four methods to decision making; command, consult, vote, and consensus.
Command is where decisions are made without involving others. Consult is when input is gathered from everyone in the group but then a smaller group makes the decisions. Vote is when a percentage of the group determines the decision. Consensus is where everyone comes to an agreement and supports the final decision.
Conclusion
In the end, it’s not about the actual communication, it’s about the results that come about from the conversations. Luckily, research has shown that people do not need to be perfect to show progress. After reading the book and studying these skills, I realize that these crucial conversations are going to be just as vital to the success of my implantation plan as the actual implementation . I hope that I can become a differentiated leader so that I can navigate these crucial conversations with success.
References
Bardwell, M. (2010, November 10). Friedman’s theory of differentiated leadership is made simple. Youtube. Retrieved April 20, 2023, from https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RgdcljNV-Ew
Grenny, J., Patterson, K., McMillan, R., Switzler, A., & Gregory, E. (2021). Crucial conversations (2nd). McGraw-Hill Education.
Blended Elementary 